Adult Child Estrangement
So, this is a very difficult subject for me. I have (am) experiencing estrangement from my only child as a I write this. My adult child. I could never even fathom that this would happen to me, but it has.
It really started the day after my dad passed away. It was an unbearable time. Not only did I lose my dad, but I lost my only child and the real day to day interaction with my 4 grandchildren.
I was devastated. So much pain. So much loss at one time. The couch became my friend. I sought explanation for something I now realize cannot be fully explained.
I also realized that there are many others going through this exact same thing. I am not alone. But that doesn’t necessarily make this easier – just helps me know others are experiencing this too.
I made a lot of mistakes as a mother. I was a very young Mom, and I was also a single parent. I was raised in a conservative Christian home that wasn’t fully accepting of the situation but in time that did change.
One thing remains though. I love my child more than anything. At a time when I was being told to terminate my pregnancy then seek adoption, I decided to keep my baby and move ahead.
For that decision alone I am so grateful. So so very grateful. I had the beautiful experience of raising a child. A child that I love so deeply without condition and will continue to love the rest of my days on this earth.
I am hoping for reconciliation but that takes both sides coming together. I will await that day with hope for I believe there is always hope. We must hold on to hope – always.
I am getting on with my life although there are setbacks that take me to my couch. I am discovering who I am and what makes me, me. I am finding purpose for myself in this unchartered territory. I am not saying I am over this situation…far from it. I don’t think I will ever be over it. But I am choosing not to stand still in my pain.
There’s a wonderful book written by Sheri McGregor, M.A. She is a therapist who has also experienced adult child estrangement herself. I have read her book Done with the Crying a few times now. At first, I couldn’t get past page 1 – I was too raw with devastation as to what was happening. But the second and third time I read it I felt peaceful, hopeful. Peaceful that I could move forward and live again despite my painful circumstances. I needed to find myself and grab onto it with everything I had. And I am doing that.
I want to share with you an excerpt from her book that has been so meaningful to me:
“As loving mothers, we surely made mistakes. All parents do. But as kind and supportive parents, we did our best. We must recognize that no matter the choices our adult children make, their behavior doesn’t diminish the good we did or continue to do. Someone’s inability to see our value does not detract from our worth.” – Sheri McGregor, Done with the Crying
If you have experienced a similar situation, first of all let me say how sorry I am you are enduring this. Please know, you are not alone.
I would love to hear from you.
You CAN decide to Rise…Dare to Soar.
“Extend the forgiveness you so easily give to others to yourself.” - Morgan Richard Olivier